This is the season we celebrate our mothers and fathers by dedicating a whole day in their honor. If they are still present with us, dinners, flowers and cards are in abundance. If they are gone, tributes to honor them can bring comfort. But what about the parent who has lost a child? Even if you have other children, the absence of a child lost is acutely felt and rarely acknowledged.

“If my daughter had been a young child, people would have understood my grief. But she was a grown woman, and I sense people feel my grief shouldn’t be as consuming,” one parent said.

Maybe you can relate to the struggle of this grieving parent. Chiding you to remember your child had a longer life and that you have other children is not helpful to a grieving parent. You may feel guilty for feeling the empty space your child left when you have other children who love you. Rest assured this is also normal and you need not feel guilty. Other children, no matter how precious, cannot fill the place your lost child has left.

Be gentle with yourself during this time. Do not expect yourself to feel any differently than you do. Be honest with your other children in what would or would not be helpful on Mother’s or Father’s Day. Assure them your love for them is not diminished in your grieving for their lost sibling. It might be helpful to focus on the joys you have experienced in being a mother or father to all of your children, reliving wonderful family memories.

If you have lost an only child, this season may be especially difficult. Seek the understanding support of others. Celebrate special memories of your child by looking through pictures, writing a letter, and supporting a cause important to them. Hold the truth in your heart. You will always be a mother or father, even if your child is no longer present. Death cannot sever that relationship.