Rhythm is a regular flow of pulse patterns. The experience of loss and grief interrupts the rhythm of life, expectations and hopes. Expressed in musical terms, the rhythms of grief vary. They range from slow, dragging, deeply sad feelings to fast pulses of being overwhelmed.

Often, the beat of grief has no order or pattern. Music offers personal experiences that can help you cope, heal and move forward because of its flexibility. It is known to change heart rate, lower blood pressure, and release chemicals that help us feel better, calmer and sharper.

Here are some suggestions for constructing a music plan for you:

Energy Regulation: Steady, medium speed music with rhythmic nuances can give a boost to your step and help concentration on the task at hand. Listening to music as you walk, exercise or work can improve mood and emotions. Music sets a steady pace and keeps you moving longer. Turn it on as you take care of the house. Listening to music with slow, steady speeds may help you feel more relaxed, calm and less overwhelmed. It also can help you sleep better.

Emotions and Thoughts: Listening to music that brings tears may be a good way to reach the depths of loss. When words are set to melodies, they can intensify or describe exactly what you are going through and have not been able to put into words. This is empowering and helps release the pain and sadness of loss. Music can trigger the memory of a moment in time and re-create the feeling of that long-gone moment. Songs that remind you of your broader connection in this world provide for your own self-care and belonging. Turning on some instrumentals or nature sounds with music can mask the backdrop of unsettling quietness which could be reminders of the absence of your loved one’s company.

Expression: Playing or singing your own or existing songs gives form to your unspoken thoughts, helps you to focus, and is a safe emotional outlet. You may write your own song to tribute your loved one or use their thoughts or writings as the lyrics in a song you create in their memory.

Reboot: It is not unusual for your interests to have been placed on hold during a lifetime of living with someone who had different preferences. Give yourself permission to explore, re-discover, and re-experience your music.

If you find that the music is not helping your coping process, try other choices, the way you are using it, or take it in bits. Practice what helps you. Keep your music easily available. This experience should be safe and personal to help you find your new rhythm.